Married in Misery...

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been preparing myself for a very important event. That is of course my first divorce. It's not like I am some cynical, love-bashing feminist, I'm actually a realist who just happens to be a feminist. You see, today about half of all marriage end in the D-word (no, not duck); so to me it seems only logical to prepare one's self for something with that kind of odds. So what if one couldn't, you know, get divorced because his/her marital status changed when one crossed state lines.


That is the problem that is facing many gay and lesbian Missourians. According to the Riverfront Times:

"Since 2009, when an Iowa Supreme Court ruling extended marriage rights to all unrelated adults, with no residency requirement, nearly 90 couples have taken the long bus ride from St. Louis to Iowa City with Show Me No Hate, the St. Louis-based marriage-equity group that charters the buses. "

But the thing is that when those newlyweds cross back into the Show-Me State their vows are mute. This is due the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996, as well as, a 2004 amendment prohibiting same-sex marriages.


As with opposite-sex marriages, same-sex marriages often fail, but unlike straight marriage, according to Missouri, the former couples are not technically married and therefore cannot be divorced. And while this may seem to a positive of sorts, it is most defiantly not. You see, in Missouri, when an opposite-sex relationship sinks the court often divides property equitably, which isn't equal, but it is easier than the property separation process for a same-sex couple. For separating same-sex couples, as with long-term unmarried couple, when dividing estate the property is given to the one who bought it. This reality can be especially difficult for the newly married partners because they must for the relationship to end, which can really kill the romance.

And if you were thinking Why don't they just divorced in the state they were married in?  They can't, well they can but it is very difficult. Imagine, if you would, that you were married and your spouse and yourself had a falling out, you know, broken dishes, crying children, the whole nine yards. You would most likely get divorced. Well for gay couples living in states that do not recognize gay marriage the process can be excruciating. I thought I would spell that process for you in a list, so here we go:

1. You find out that relationship is over.
2. If you decide to attempt to divorce in your home state, you will be shot-down by the courts. If you were not, then the Attorney General will reverse the court decision. See case of Angelique Naylor and Sabina Daly.
3. You try mediation, but it fails.
4. You decide to divorce in the state you married, but in order to do that you must live in that state for at least a year.
5. You quit your job, leave your family and friends behind and moved to said state.
6. You spend a year trying to find some normalcy.
7. You get to go through the fun battle of divorce.
8. You attempt to start over.

And after all this, the only question I have left is Why does a state that didn't want gays to marry in the first place, force them to stay together?


For more information on Gay marriage and divorce see:
Newsweek
National Public Radio
Life Tips
Huffington Post
Chicago Reader